Well you were supposed to be the best year so far. I looked forward to you since I started high school. You were supposed to be the best time of my life. You didn’t exceed my expectations though.
You started off horribly with my family and I being out of our house from February to April/May. You brought me my 18th birthday which was good. I got my first two tattoos. During high school my senior project was no fun. I found out what it was like to be lost and without the person I love. You finally let me graduate high school and find out who my real friends are. You let me maintain a job all throughout the year and apply to the colleges that I wanted. Even though I ended up disappointed in the end when SCAD didn’t work out, now I see that it was worth it. You showed me the college life and what you’re supposed to be doing at my age. You opened the door to new opportunities, experiences, and friends. You changed my future path and let me regain my confidence. You came through and mended relationships that were meant to be. You showed me who deserved to be in my life and who didn’t.
Yes, you brought me plenty of good times. But unfortunately more bad than good.
You’ve done a lot.
As much as i’ve learned from this year, I’m definitely ready for you to be over. I’m ready to start off 2011 with a new outlook on life. I’m goin’ places and I’m ready to start in NYC. It’s been fun, 2010.
I guess there’s a time when Christmas becomes less important to you when it comes to getting presents or telling others what you want. Well at least for me..
This Christmas i just want the people around me to be happy. Maybe that’s me growing up or maybe that’s me just wanting to be a good person. I’m not sure..but that’s what i’ve aimed for this year.
I’ve bought most everyone in my family a present with my own money including two of my managers and an old teacher. That’s what feels good.
As far as the rest of my life goes i feel okay. It’s been a pretty crazy past week. I mended a friendship and straightened things out. I freed myself from someone that was pulling me down and never a real friend. I’d say i’ve made some progress.
Tomorrow i start back at Ingles…woo. I don’t want to work, but i need the money. It’ll be good for me. Christmas is so soon and it doesn’t even feel like it. I get to see my dad’s side of the family tomorrow also…then Friday we’re havin’ a party at mom’s.
It seems that life is worthwhile when you’re laying in your boy’s bed and you have everything you need. Hopefully tomorrow is good and everything goes according to plan.
I love my family, my 2nd family, my friends, and Brian.
I spoke to the head admissions counselor for an hour...
to find out that i was accepted to FIDM!
I’m sooooo extremely excited and i can’t wait to leave UNCC because it has nothing here for me! She was the nicest lady i’ve ever talked to that was connected with some sort of college. She asked me lots of different questions. For once i actually didn’t feel nervous talking. My answers came naturally and i think that’s a very good sign. Normally i stumble on my words and i’m not a very good public speaker of any sort, but i managed to pull this off. She said that by the way i talked and sounded from the minute i answered the phone, she thought that i seemed very confident with myself as well as mature beyond my years. She made me feel amazing about myself. She loved everything i had to say and seemed so interested in me. I wasn’t expected to get the news of acceptance right then, but i was beyond happy. Words can’t describe this and i know that it hasn’t even actually hit me yet that i’ll be moving to LOS ANGELES. Money has always been the issue with me in the past. That’s why SCAD never seemed to workout. But for some reason this time seems different. I’m determined to do this and go to this school. I’m gonna find that money! I’m sooo happy and my hard work reallllly did pay off.
I know that no one on here cares about this…but i needed to say this.
I can actually say that i’m truly proud of myself and i’m happy. Very, very happy.
But every time i see one of their names i get so upset. It makes me angry and i start to ask “why the fuck would you do that to me?”, “why her?”, “do you enjoy hurting me?” and then i get upset and think “what the hell am i doing wrong?”, “do i not make you happy enough?” blah blah blah.
I hate it because there’s reminders everywhere. I want to just move on….and to an extent i do. I accept your apology and try my best to move on. But deep down inside i’m very, very, very hurt. I feel like my spirit has been permanently broken and i never thought that could happen.
You mean so much to me and to think that the one person i love has hurt me as many times as you have breaks me down.
I have self issues and unfortunately i think i always will…unless some miracle happens.
You have this crazy effect on me. No matter what happens for some reason i always run back to you. I want you and i want a life with you. I enjoy our time together and i enjoy your company. I’ve enjoyed (most) of our relationship and you’ve been good to me (most) of the time. I just wish and hope that we can continue to be happy.
I love you with all my heart. You are the person i want a future with. Remember that, please.
Since our most recent talk i have faith that things can only get better from here. I’m trusting you this time. Please don’t let me down.
When you love someone so much. I feel so stupid when i know that i keep giving you chance after chance because i know i’ll be nothing without you. I’d rather me get hurt than be without you. That’s probably the stupidest thing i’ll ever do in life…but it’s all i know. I have no one to talk to. I don’t know who to talk to. I feel like no one will understand my situation or that they’ll think i’m stupid for letting you continue to do this to me again and again. I’m so lost. I wanna cry right now but yet i feel so numb. I feel like i can’t do anything. We’ve been so perfect lately. We’ve talked about marriage. You’re my life. Why am i so scared? I just want us to be happy. I want to live happily ever after like a movie. The question i still have to this day is….why? Why do you do this to me? Whether this is a lie or not…why have you done it in the past? Why did you continue to do it? You always said you loved me. You saw how heartbroken i was each and every time. I don’t get it. I want us to last forever. All i want is you. If anything could workout in my life i’d want it to be us and that may sound bad…but it’s true. You mean that much to me and i’m not sure if you realize that. I’d do anything for you. Please let us get by. Please let’s just get past this. Please stop the lying. Please just be faithful. Just love me and nothing else. Love me. That’s all i want.
I feel so crushed. I don’t know if i want to go to bed or just lay there and listen to music. I love you.
nothing really happened, i just really want to move out on my own and dont think i'll be able to keep my dog. but i am really looking for pet friendly places cause i want to keep her!
ohh, okay. the way it sounded was that you already moved out or something to that nature! well i wish you luck! i’d definitely be your roommate if i lived there ): oh and i NEED to see you over my xmas break!!